Jimmy the Foster Monster

Around 9 PM on a Thursday evening in September 2012, I heard a desperate yowling like a tiny foghorn through my window. When I went outside I discovered a tiny black kitten toddling out of the green belt. He was skin and bones; I could see all his ribs and the knobs of his little spine. At first I thought he was one of my neighbor’s new kittens and delivered him to her. The next morning she brought him back: he wasn’t theirs, and her mama cat was starting to beat him up.

Well, shit. I didn’t want three cats, and this one was feral, starving, and unweaned. I bottle-fed and later weaned him. My idea was to foster and then adopt him out, so I flippantly dubbed him Jimmy (after Jimmy Novak, for his black fur, then-blue eyes, and deafening voice). Both the cat and the name were meant to be temporary. My friends laughed at me and congratulated me on my new cat.

I resisted, but to my chagrin, we bonded pretty deeply, and the older cats (then yearlings) weren’t too upset about him being around.

Jimmy has matured into a sweet, affectionate cat who still occasionally reminds me that he began life as a wild animal. He greets me at the door when I come home, holds down my lap, and wears a sweater when it’s cold. He is very nosy and cannot be trusted around food, but he’s also very friendly and self-confident. Ultimately I don’t regret keeping him.

• Chewing up apples that I’ve left on counters for later consumption
• Chewing up packaged bread
• Pretending to purr
• Excessive shedding
  • Making a scene about getting brushed
• Grooming Cassie’s head and then smacking her in the face
• Yelling in the kitchen
• Yelling in the car
• Throwing up in the car
• Stealing toys from Cepheus
• Numerous counts of food theft
• Waiting until I’m in bed to lick plates
• Walking on the keyboard
• Sleeping on the keyboard
• Numerous counts of muting my computer by walking on the keyboard
• Numerous counts of turning off my computer by stepping precisely on a very small reset button
• Putting me to sleep by lying on my butt
• Asking for pets and then ducking my hand
• Sleeping in the laundry
• Sitting like an absolute weirdo
• Clawing the couch (standard cat charge)

As with most cats, he is weak to loud, sudden noises and Bean Interference, but don’t be fooled into thinking that getting the drop on him the first, second, or even third time means you’ve won. Due to his Water Resistance, getting him wet is often not a deterrent; even a Spray Bottle merely wards him off temporarily at best, so you might as well save that item for other cats.

Having food draws Jimmy’s aggro almost immediately. He will attempt to Hypnotize you or use his high Charm to con it out of you. A successful resist is not enough. You will need to remain vigilant for his next attack. Should Charm fail, his standard script is to wait until you disengage and then stealth in. Not even empty flatware or cutlery are safe. Awareness and initiative are vital here. The only guaranteed win is to remove the items entirely via Cleanup, as he will not yield.

When feasible, dropping the environmental temperature is a legitimate strategy against Jimmy, but it’s a risky one. He will become lethargic and lose focus on food items, but cold also buffs his Charm and triggers his Cat Gravity attack. Sitting down draws aggro. He will materialize in your lap, take up as much space as possible, and immediately use Cat Gravity. Removing him resets the encounter but will not end it.

Lying down not only draws aggro but also decreases your resistance to both Cat Gravity and Hypnosis. He will use both of these immediately. Without full immunity to Hypnosis or an assist, you’re doomed.

It worth noting that Jimmy’s Cat Gravity attack cannot be induced due to his Contrariness.

Stay alert and be persistent. Jimmy is a worthy opponent and a determined foe.